Business jargon, what's the point?

I only ever watch one episode of each series of The Apprentice... The one when the contestants have the interviews and get ripped to shreds because most of them are full of BS.

Yes, I'm calling them contestants as it's a game show in my opinion and not a serious business programme

All this business lingo just drives me crazy, why can't they just talk properly. I can just imagine what a business meeting would look like with one of the apprentices. Possibly a bit like this?

Thank you joining me for this pow-wow, as you’ve all been on my radar for a while.

I just wanted to touch base and run something up the flagpole. We’ve been flogging a dead horse and need to think outside the box because as a team we’ve not been singing from the same hymn sheet.

I’m not suggesting reinventing the wheel but with some blue sky thinking we can get that low hanging fruit.

Now I appreciate we can’t boil the ocean, but a quick look under the bonnet and I’m sure we can find an idea with legs.

At the end of the day we need to hit the ground running because this is a game changer.

OK... so I’ve moved the goalposts but I am giving you the heads up that we need some joined up thinking.

When push comes to shove it’s important to get all our ducks in a row, peel back the layers of the onion and square the circle.

It’s not rocket science, so I’m reaching out to you to pick it up and run with it.

Comprendey? Great.

Action that!

You don't get anything done speaking like that

When I was directing multi-camera studios, there would often be 30 or more people waiting for my instructions before they would do anything, so my instructions had to be clear, to the point and understandable.

If I started the day saying "Good morning studio, lets hit the ground running" I'd get laughed at and ignored for the rest of the day. However, if I started the day (as I did) saying "Good morning studio, I'd like to start by rehearsing scene 3 from shot 49... Geoff (the floor manager), please get artists in and ready... Cameras you get in position and we can block through the shots while lighting finish their adjustments."

I'm giving clear instructions that everyone understands and we have hit the ground running though I never needed to say so.

Speaking in front of camera can be normal too

Most people think they need to do something special when they appear in front of camera... Talk in a particular way... Use more "polite" language, or slow down (or speed up). Well that's not necessary.

I find the most engaging business videos are when the person in front of camera is talking just how they do every day of the year, naturally and normally.

So if you think you need to do something special to make a video then you are wrong... You are already special, just be yourself and your videos will be great.

Talk like I have written above, using business lingo and I will add the Benny Hill theme or similar comedy music track to your video... You have been warned.